Brilliant subject. If anyone deserves a cartographic tribute dripping with lavatorial wit, it’s Thomas Crapper. Below are map concepts that fully lean into toilet humour, while still being genuinely cartographic and exhibition-worthy.

🚽 1. “Great British Thrones”

A national atlas of porcelain power

4

Concept

• Map of the UK showing all public toilets as:

  • 🚽 Toilet icons styled like royal thrones

  • Size scaled by cubicle count (Dorling cartogram potential)

• London explodes into a dense porcelain constellation

Toilet Humour Layer

• Capital cities labelled:

  • “Seat of Power”

  • “House of Commons (and Relief)”

• Westminster annotated:
  “Where legislation and constipation meet.”

Legend title:

“Places to Spend a Penny”

💩 2. “From John o’ Groats to the Bottom”

A journey through Britain’s loos

Concept

• A north–south linear map or strip-map

• A stylised turd-shaped path (tasteful…ish) winding through the UK

• Every major stop is a notable loo

Toilet Humour Layer

• Milestones:

  • “50 miles since last relief”

  • “Hope you didn’t skip leg day”

• End label at Land’s End:

  “You’ve reached the end of the line. Flush responsibly.”

🧻 3. “The Porcelain Underground”

(London Tube map, but for toilets)

4

Concept

• Tube-style schematic map

• Each “line” = toilet category:

  • 🚻 Public

  • 🏛️ Historic

  • 🍺 Pub loos

  • 💎 Surprisingly pleasant

Toilet Humour Layer

• Line names:

  • The Number Two Line

  • The Relief Line

  • The Express (No Stops)

• Stations:

  • “Sudden Emergency”

  • “Just in Time”

  • “Too Late”

🧼 4. “Flushability Index of the United Kingdom”

A choropleth map nobody asked for

Concept

• Choropleth by council authority:

  • Cleanliness

  • Opening hours

  • Probability of regret

• Colour ramp from:

  • 💚 “Sit With Confidence”

  • 💛 “Hover Territory”

  • 🔴 “Abort Mission”

Toilet Humour Layer

• Legend disclaimer:

  “Based on vibes, fear, and lived experience.”

• Scotland’s Highlands:

  “Hold it.”

🧱 5. “The Crapper Legacy”

Victorian plumbing meets modern GIS

4

Concept

• Sepia-toned UK map

• Overlay of:

  • Early sewer networks

  • Historic toilets

  • Royal flush locations (Buckingham Palace nod)

Toilet Humour Layer

• Portrait of Crapper with speech bubble:

  “I gave you dignity. You did… this.”

• Subtitle:

  “A nation built on pipes and hope.”

🧠 6. Ultra-Nerd Bonus: “Toilet Density Equalising Cartogram”

(Because of course)

Concept

• UK reshaped so each toilet = equal area

• London becomes absurdly massive

• Rural Wales nearly disappears

Toilet Humour Layer

• Annotation:

  “This is why Londoners queue.”

• Scale bar labelled:

  “One square = one desperate moment.”

🪠 Styling Notes (Important)

• Fonts: playful serif + industrial plumbing stencil

• Colour palette:

  • Porcelain white

  • Victorian teal

  • Sewer brown (tastefully muted)

• Symbols:

  • Chains, plungers, cisterns, pipes

• Mandatory footer:

  “Dedicated to Sir Thomas Crapper: flushing since the 19th century.”

If you want…

I can:

• 🔧 Pick one concept and fully spec it for ArcGIS Pro

• 🗺️ Design a poster-ready layout (title, legend, annotations locked)

• 🎨 Push it even further into absurdity (animated flush? hovering icons? Victorian mascots?)

Just tell me which toilet you’d like to sit on first. 🚽

Excellent choices — those four together actually feel like a mini exhibition series rather than isolated jokes. Below I’ve fully fleshed out each map as if they were ready to be designed, printed, and hung side-by-side. I’ve leaned hard into toilet humour without sacrificing cartographic intelligence.

🚽 MAP 1 — Great British Thrones

A Cartography of Porcelain Power

4

Core Idea

A UK-wide point map showing every public toilet, rendered as ornate throne icons — blending monarchy, municipal power, and bodily urgency.

Map Type

• Proportional symbol map

• Optional Dorling cartogram variant for dense urban areas

Visual Language

• Toilets illustrated as:

  • Gold-trimmed thrones

  • Red velvet seats

  • Chain-pull flushes

• Each throne’s size = number of cubicles

• Disabled access toilets get a subtle halo glow (the true VIPs)

Humour Layer (Labels & Annotations)

• London:

  “The Imperial Seat”

• Cardiff:

  “Welsh Assembly (Lower Chamber)”

• Edinburgh:

  “Highland Relief”

• Coastal towns:

  “Holiday Throne Clusters (queue accordingly)”

Legend (Very Important)

Legend title:

“Where Britain Takes a Seat”

Legend categories:

• 👑 Royal Flush (large, well-maintained)

• 🚽 Standard Issue

• ⚠️ Emergency Only

• ❌ Boarded-Up Dreams

Design Easter Eggs

• Buckingham Palace toilet labelled:

  “Reserved.”

• Scale bar:

  “Distance you can waddle.”

💩 MAP 2 — From John o’ Groats to the Bottom

A Long-Distance Guide to National Relief

4

Core Idea

A linear north–south journey map, styled like a pilgrimage route — except the destination is relief.

Map Type

• Strip map / itinerary map

• Vertical layout (perfect for posters)

Visual Language

• A winding brown (tasteful!) route down Britain

• Terrain simplified into playful landforms

• Toilet stops marked as:

  • 🚻 Major Stops

  • 🚽 Minor Stops

  • 🪣 “Hope You Planned Ahead”

Distance Markers

Instead of miles:

• “30 minutes holding it”

• “Too late to turn back”

• “Questionable decision”

Annotation Gems

• Scottish Highlands:

  “Faith-based navigation begins here.”

• Lake District:

  “Beautiful, but don’t drink the water.”

• Midlands:

  “False sense of security.”

• Cornwall:

  “End of the line. Flush or perish.”

Title Block

Main title:

From John o’ Groats to the Bottom

Subtitle:

A national journey fuelled by tea and regret

🚇 MAP 3 — The Porcelain Underground

Britain’s Hidden Transit System

4

Core Idea

A Tube-map-style schematic, except every “station” is a toilet and every “line” reflects urgency, quality, or legality.

Map Type

• Topological schematic

• No scale, maximum satire

Lines (Colour-Coded)

• 🔵 Relief Line — dependable public loos

• 🔴 Number Two Line — high-risk, high-reward

• 🟢 Pub Loops — technically customers only

• 🟡 Historic Line — Victorian, damp, brave souls only

• ⚫ Night Bus Replacement — “Good luck”

Station Names

• “Sudden Emergency”

• “Just in Time”

• “No Lock”

• “Why Is It Wet?”

• “Shouldn’t Have Had That Coffee”

Interchanges

• “Panic Junction”

• “Clench Central”

• “Too Late”

Map Notes (Like Tube Fine Print)

“Service may be suspended due to cleaning, vandalism, or unspeakable acts.”

🧠 MAP 6 — Toilet Density Equalising Cartogram

A Spatial Distortion of Desperation

4

Core Idea

A density-equalising cartogram where each public toilet occupies equal area — reshaping the UK into a grotesque but truthful form.

Map Type

• Gastner–Newman cartogram (or Dorling hybrid)

• Each unit = one toilet

Visual Outcome

• London becomes a bulging porcelain mass

• Birmingham, Manchester balloon outward

• Highlands shrink to near myth

• Rural Wales becomes… conceptual

Symbolisation

• Each polygon lightly embossed with a toilet icon

• Colour-coded by:

  • Accessibility

  • Opening hours

  • Regret factor

Annotations

• London:

  “You still won’t find one when you need it.”

• Scotland:

  “Nature remains undefeated.”

• Tourist hotspots:

  “Seasonal distortion zone.”

Legend

One shape = one moment of hope

Scale bar:

“Cartographically impossible to hold.”

🪠 SERIES-WIDE COHESION

Exhibition Title

“A Nation of Thrones”
Four maps celebrating plumbing, perseverance, and panic

Unified Design

• Porcelain white background

• Victorian teal + sewer brown accents

• Subtle pipe motifs connecting map frames

• Footnote on every map:

  Dedicated to Thomas Crapper — who made civilisation tolerable.

Next steps (your call):

• I can lock one map and spec it precisely for ArcGIS Pro

• Turn this into a four-poster print set

• Push one concept to dangerous levels of absurdity

• Or mash two ideas together (Porcelain Underground Cartogram 👀)

Tell me which one you want to flush to “final.”

Perfect. Let’s treat this properly — a coherent, exhibition-ready four-poster print set that feels intentional, witty, and cartographically serious beneath the filth.

Below is the locked concept + print specification for the full set.

🚽 A NATION OF THRONES

Four Maps Celebrating Plumbing, Panic, and the British Constitution

4

Dedicated to Thomas Crapper (1836–1910)
Who brought dignity to desperation.

🖼️ EXHIBITION FORMAT (ALL POSTERS)

• Size: A1 (594 × 841 mm) portrait

• Print: Uncoated heavy stock (slight tooth = porcelain feel)

• Palette:

  • Porcelain White

  • Victorian Teal

  • Sewer Brown (muted)

  • Brass Gold (spot highlights only)

• Typography:

  • Titles: Decorative Victorian serif

  • Labels: Clean humanist sans

  • Annotations: Handwritten/cartoon script

• Shared footer (all posters):

  “A Nation of Thrones — cartography at the point of need.”

🪠 POSTER 1

Great British Thrones

A Cartography of Porcelain Power

Map Type

• UK proportional symbol map

• Optional Dorling inset for London & major metros

Visuals

• Public toilets shown as ornate throne icons

• Icon size = number of cubicles

• Subtle shadow so they “sit” on the map

• Accessible toilets get a soft gold ring

Labels & Humour

• London: “The Imperial Seat”

• Edinburgh: “Highland Relief”

• Seaside towns: “Seasonal Thrones (queue builds rapidly)”

• Buckingham Palace: “Reserved.”

Legend Title

Where Britain Takes a Seat

Tone

Majestic. Ridiculous. Reverent.

💩 POSTER 2

From John o’ Groats to the Bottom

A National Journey Fuelled by Tea and Regret

Map Type

• Vertical strip map

• North → South pilgrimage layout

Visuals

• Winding route down the UK (tastefully brown)

• Terrain simplified, playful

• Toilet stops ranked by “confidence level”

Distance Markers (Not Miles)

• “20 minutes holding it”

• “You’ll regret that coffee”

• “Hope is fading”

Annotations

• Scottish Highlands:
  “Faith-based navigation begins here.”

• Midlands:
  “False sense of security.”

• Cornwall:
  “End of the line. Flush wisely.”

Tone

Narrative. Absurd. Deeply relatable.

🚇 POSTER 3

The Porcelain Underground

Britain’s Hidden Transit System

Map Type

• Tube-style schematic

• Zero geographic accuracy, maximum truth

Lines

• 🔵 Relief Line — reliable public loos

• 🔴 Number Two Line — high-risk, high-reward

• 🟢 Pub Loop — customers only (technically)

• 🟡 Historic Line — Victorian, brave souls

• ⚫ Night Replacement — “good luck”

Stations

• Sudden Emergency

• Panic Junction

• No Lock

• Why Is It Wet?

• Too Late

Small Print (Bottom Corner)

“Services may be suspended due to cleaning, vandalism, or unspeakable acts.”

Tone

Graphic. Iconic. Laugh-out-loud readable from across the room.

🧠 POSTER 4

Toilet Density Equalising Cartogram

A Spatial Distortion of Desperation

Map Type

• Density-equalising cartogram

• One unit = one public toilet

Visual Impact

• London explodes into a porcelain mass

• Major cities bulge outward

• Highlands collapse into near abstraction

• Rural Wales becomes… conceptual

Symbolisation

• Each unit lightly embossed with 🚽 icon

• Colour by:

  • Accessibility

  • Opening hours

  • Regret factor

Annotations

• London:
  “You still won’t find one when you need it.”

• Tourist hotspots:
  “Seasonal distortion zone.”

Legend

One shape = one moment of hope

Tone

Academic parody. GIS nerd heaven.

🖼️ INSTALLATION SUGGESTION (Optional but Perfect)

Left → Right hanging order:

1. Great British Thrones (Authority)

2. John o’ Groats to the Bottom (Journey)

3. Porcelain Underground (System)

4. Density Cartogram (Truth)

Together they tell a story:
Power → Travel → Infrastructure → Reality

🚽 NEXT STEPS

I can now:

• Lock this as a production spec

• Generate print-ready layouts

• Build a single unified title panel

• Or adapt one poster into a conference keynote slide

Say the word, and I’ll flush this set to final.